By someone who’s been there, survived, and now laughs about it
Moving to Finland sounds magical—reindeer, snowflakes, and endless coffee breaks. But if you don’t speak Finnish (yet), even a trip to the grocery store can feel like a scene from a silent comedy show. Here are some painfully funny (and just plain painful) situations every non-Finnish speaker has faced at some point:
1. The Cashier Mumble Marathon
You just want to buy milk. But the cashier says something long and fast, and all you catch is “…kortti vai käteinen?” (Card or cash?) You freeze. You smile. You nod at everything. You hand over your card. You hope it works. It doesn’t. She repeats the question. You panic. The line grows. The pressure builds. You finally blurt, “Sorry, English?” and get the look. That look.
Moral: Learn kortti, käteinen, and kuitti. They will save your life.
2. The Elevator Silence Game
You enter the elevator. A neighbor greets you: “Huomenta!”
You freeze again. Brain: “What was that? Good night? Good morning? Banana?” You smile awkwardly and reply: “Hi.”
They nod and look confused. Silence falls like a Finnish winter.
Tip: Huomenta = good morning. Practice it before coffee.
3. The Doctor Visit Disaster
You go to the health center and suddenly realize you don’t know how to say “I have a sore throat” in Finnish.
Instead, you point dramatically at your neck and fake a coughing sound like a dying seal.
The nurse calls another nurse. They stare. You Google. You show the screen. They say “Ahaa!” and things finally move on.
Pro move: Write your symptoms down in Google Translate before you go.
4. The Mail Delivery Mystery
You get a pink note in your mailbox. It says something… in full Finnish. No English. No mercy.
You try to guess: Is it a package? A bill? A fine? A government warning?
You bring it to the post office and say “Anteeksi… en puhu suomea…”
The clerk sighs, takes the paper, types something, and finally gives you your long-lost online order from three weeks ago.
Key vocab: paketti, nouto, toimitus, Posti. And keep calm.
5. The Small Talk Trap
You’re at work or school, and someone suddenly says a full paragraph in Finnish with a smile. You smile back. You nod.
Are they inviting you to lunch? Complaining about the weather? Asking for help? You’ll never know.
You say “Joo, joo!” and then they show up at your desk with a form in Finnish and expect something.
Never say “joo” if you have no clue what was said. Trust me.
6. The Hair Salon Horror
You sit in the chair. You show a picture. You say “Just like this, please.”
The hairdresser nods. Starts talking in Finnish. You panic, say “Yes, yes, fine,” to everything.
Fifteen minutes later, you look like a rockstar from the ‘80s. You pay. You smile. You cry in the bathroom.
Learn these phrases: Vähän lyhyempi, ei liian lyhyt, sama kuin kuvassa.
Final Thoughts:
You’re not alone. Every foreigner in Finland has been through this awkward phase. Some still are. Laugh about it. Learn from it. Practice a few useful words. And remember—most Finns speak English. They’re just too shy to use it first. So be brave, smile, and say: “Puhutko englantia?”
It’s not perfect. But it’s a start.
Comments