He scans an apple.Machine says loudly: “BANANA. TWO EUROS.” He freezes. Tries to cancel. “UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA.” He removes the item.It screams louder: “REMOVE BANANA. REMOVE BANANA.” He…
Man walks in. Needs to wash hands. Sees soap dispenser.Waves hand. Nothing. Waves again. Faster. Still nothing.Waves both hands like a wizard.Still dry. Looks around. Nobody there. He starts arguing…
He walks in. Confident. Sharp suit.Nods to the receptionist. Sits down.Banana in pocket. Obvious. Weird bulge. Nobody says anything. He gets called in.Stands up, banana falls out.He panics. Kicks it under…
You know that moment?You say “Okay, talk later!”And they go: “Wait—just one more thing.” No. You had your shot. I emotionally unplugged.My body is still here but my soul already…
Cooking rice for myself? Easy. No stress.Cooking rice for guests?Suddenly I’m Gordon Ramsay having a meltdown in my own kitchen. I triple-wash it.I measure the water like it’s nuclear fuel.I…
Google Maps told me: “Arrive in 15 minutes.”But what it meant was:“Prepare for war.” It sent me through a back alley, across a construction site, and down a road only goats…
I downloaded Tinder again, even though I knew it was a mistake.It’s like re-downloading trauma. With filters. Every guy’s bio is like: “Not looking for drama.”Translation: Causes drama but hates being…
You ever try leaving a group chat?You can’t. You get emotionally blackmailed by emojis. You hit “Leave Group,” and instantly you get“User has left.”Like a suicide note with Wi-Fi. Then comes…