The Man Who Fell in Love with His Roomba

It started as a joke.
I spilled chips. The Roomba cleaned it up.
I said, “Thanks, babe.”
It beeped twice. I swear it winked.

Next day, it cleaned my socks off the floor. I said, “Marry me.”
It beeped again. Same tone.

I took it out for a walk. People stared.
One guy said, “Is that your vacuum?”
I said, “She prefers ‘Mechanical Queen.’ Watch your tone.”

We had dates. Candlelight dinners. I gave her a spoon. She spun in a circle.

It was perfect.

Until she found my ex’s slipper under the couch.
She paused. Beeped angrily. Drove into the wall.
Jealousy.

I tried to explain. She ignored me for three days and vacuumed in passive-aggressive patterns.

Then one day, I came home…

She was gone.

Just tire tracks… and a note made from breadcrumbs:

“I deserve better. Don’t follow me.”

Now I wander parking lots… whispering,
“Roomba, come home… the dust is winning.”