I was broke. Cold. And desperate.
So I entered S-Market and mumbled in broken Finnish:
“Moi… kahvi… joo… kiitos… perkele.”

The cashier said nothing. Just nodded and pointed to the free coffee pot.
Victory.

I came every day. Learned three more phrases:
“Hyvää päivää.”
“Sää on kylmä.”
“Sauna good.”

One day a real Finn asked, “Where are you from?”
I panicked and said, “…Lapland. Deep Lapland. Underground Lapland. Secret tunnel.”

He narrowed his eyes.
“Name one Finnish metal band.”

I blurted: “…SantaClausica?”

They kicked me out so fast I spilled coffee on my fake Kela card.

Now I drink in the shadows.
Still wear wool socks.
Still whisper “sisu” at night.

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